This blog is long overdue. This blog was supposed to be written last August. But I’ve been busy lately loving this really special girl. This girl who I really love and adore, yung sobrang mahal mo na walang salita na tutumbas sa nararamdaman mo sa kaniya. This love that I feel for her is that strong. She doesn’t know that I’m writing this now. She’s possibly asleep right now… Which reminds me of when she lays her head on my shoulders, and I turn my head slightly to kiss her forehead. She smiles through her shut, peaceful eyes. She has no idea how much I treasure those moments. Those quiet moments when she’s in my arms, and it’s just me and her in this world. Writing this makes me miss her so much more.. Every moment that I’m not with her. I miss her. I always get sad when we part ways every night I take her home. If only there was a day that I could be with her, every minute of every hour. Just the two of us. But even then, I don’t think that it’ll satisfy me. I’d still miss her afterwards. She has that effect on me. That effect that no other woman can give me. She’s the kind of woman who is so sweet and loving when it’s just the two of you. She may not be showy in public, but wow, she’s the sweetest in private, you could never ask for more. She’s the kind of woman who always cleans the house even when she’s not told to, but does anyway kasi OC siya. She sings songs into your ears with her beautiful voice. Most of the time she sings to me what she can’t say coz she’s an awesome lover like that. She’s the type that when you think of the future, she is always included in all your plans. She’ll plan with you how to raise your future kids. Our kids won’t be spoiled little brats, the girls will have pink rooms, they’ll learn how to sing and play the instruments, they’ll excel in school, they’ll have a sport, and we would provide everything they need while they’re young so when they’re older, they’ll be the leader of their own lives, and we’ll be proud of their independent decisions because we know that we raised them right and because we’ll be the coolest parents their classmates and friends have ever seen. She’ll also plan with you what your future house would look like. We would have a house with a black and white interior with a splash of red for complementation. We’d have an art studio for her somewhere in the house. And we’ll have a garage for two cars. One white car for her, and one car of any color for me. Don’t worry bub, you won’t find any other womans’ panties in there J We were actually just speaking about owning our own house this evening. One of our plans would be to do the rent to buy thing where you would rent a 2 storey house for a specific amount until a specific date and then once you’re fully paid, you get to own that house. I’d love for that to come true. I’d take any future actually, just as long as I’m with her. But I will study and work hard for her. For once I have someone else to live for too. To make me study harder, and work harder, because for once, I’m not just thinking about myself anymore. I just want her to be happy. It was my goal when I courted her, and it’s still my goal now that I got her. It’s a lifelong goal that I swear I’ll keep doing. October 24, 2012. The day I got her… Officially. The day she made me the happiest guy on Earth. The day she finally said that single word that made my heart beat so fast and so hard… the words, “Yes” that came out of her soft lips… That one word was worth all the times I kept on wondering if we’ll ever be officially together. Worth all the effort that I put into her every day. She was worth being creative that I did on that day something no one that I know of, seen in movies, or read in books has ever done. I gave her a proposal. A kind of certificate that immortalizes my pledge that my love for her will never diminish, only increase in strength through every day, through thick and thin. She makes me complete. I don’t know if this blog will make you cry, but I am teary eyed right now.. She gave me that feeling that I’ve never thought existed or could be felt. It’s as if I fell in love with her over again, but with much much more intensity. I’ll never love a woman this much in my entire life. I want you Abby. I want you to be my only one. I want you to be my wife. I want you to be the mother of my kids. This is my prayer to the Lord everytime I close my eyes and talk to Him. That we will never be apart, that He will help us strengthen our relationship, that you will be my wife in the future. And I’d never give up trying to fulfil that wish because I found it. I found the one woman who I can see me spending the rest of my life with. A beautiful woman inside and out. A woman who is hard on the outside, but soft on the inside. A woman who cries at beautiful movies, books, and moments. A woman who has a soft side for the elderly and for parents. A woman who kisses you passionately, and will surprise you in moments when she’d say mahal na mahal kita, I love you so much!
Baby ko, I don’t know if these simple words are enough for you to understand how deeply, madly, crazily in love with you I am, but I hope that you feel it whenever we’re together. Mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kita, I’ll never let you go, and I’ll always love you until my last breath. Never forget that.
I hope nobody else gets to read this, because I don’t want anyone else to fall for you. I don’t want any other guy to feel the way I’m feeling for you right now, because I know I’ll never find this in anyone else. Abby, I love you. I will always shower you with unending love. Yesterday, today, forever.
The Moment I knew
I have never been comfortable having my picture stolen with my teeth showing. I’ve never liked my laughing face. But in this picture, you can see a full show-your-teeth smile, a happy me, a comfortable me, a pretty me. I feel beautiful in this photo, not because I am, but because of him. He makes me feel beautiful. He makes me forget about my insecurities, my zits, my big ear, all my flaws. I feel like it all disappears whenever he’s around me. He’s just the best person. I love him. I’ve never loved anyone. I’ve never felt this emotion before, only now. And I’m glad to have loved a person like him, to have chosen the right decision to keep him. I must have done something right to deserve all the love he’s showering me right now. He’s a different lover, one of which I wish each of my heartbroken friends have. I always pray to God to bless my friends with someone as close to this man’s loving ability. I’m blessed, because the first person I’ve loved is him, someone like him. A person who will not only make you feel loved, but will also do anything, be anything just to make you feel beautiful in his eyes. He looks at me and I see everything I’ve ever wanted in life. I knew this was the reward for waiting, waiting for the right man to come. He’s got it all. He’s overflowing with love, and what’s best is that it’s exclusive only to me. He focuses everything to me, making me believe that he really is indeed in love with me. Sincerity, this man has it. He’ll look at you in the eye and tell you how much he loves you. No amount of love from romeo or edward cullen or anyone else could compare to how much he loves me, and I’m speaking in behalf of him because I can feel that he loves me that much. I wasn’t a believer of this love, but here I am, telling this man, that finally, I love him. I just do, I just love him so much I can’t bear the thought of losing him. I can’t imagine how devastated I will be if he loves another woman like this, the thought of him dying, or going away makes me cry in an instant. I guess this really is love, when you’re afraid to lose a person. I want him, I want him to be the father of my future little abbys, because I know he’ll be a great father. I want to be married to this man, be successful with him, travel with him. I just want him to be by my side. Whatever happens. Whatever it takes.
To you, my man, thank you. For all the love you shower me everyday, for the wide understanding and for the unending patience. Thank you for being proud of me. God knows how much you mean to me. *teary* Thank you for making me smile, laugh,cry,learn,grow, and best of all, thank you for teaching me how to love, how to sacrifice, to compromise,to forgive, to give and take. Never have I imagined myself loving someone, but I guess, God knows we’re worth it that He wanted me to try. We’re not counting days, months.. but years. 2012, a beautiful year where our love blossomed, until many more years to come bubbah. I love you is simply just not enough, let me put ‘so much’ lol,
uttering these simple yet beautiful words, is the moment I knew, I loveyou..
happy anniversary derp. one year na tayong magkakilala. haha and a year is enough to know you well. If I were to describe the sean mikhayle salvador that I know, it’ll go like this..
si sean derp ay isang..
Isang taong matalino. Matalino as in alam ang ginagawa. Marunong magcomprehend at malalim…
August 27, 2011. Acquaintance Party.
Well that night was a cute story. You were just a girl who my friend liked (despite having a girlfriend already) but had no guts to ask you to dance. I became the bridge between you two.
I didn’t notice you much then. It wasn’t love at first sight. But you were my type. Although I had to back out since my friend already called you first (Bro Code).
We were two strangers who didn’t care about each other’s existence.
But that changed when I decided to shift to Psychology.
You were the only person I knew there so I was kinda forced to talk to you and help me not be awkward. hahaha.
But still, I didn’t notice you.
Weeks passed and I seem to realize that, day by day, you become more and more fascinating to me. I gaze upon you more frequently, and longer. It was kinda creepy actually hahaha.
Then suddenly this stranger became a friend who was also my crush.
More weeks passed and I found that my feelings for you was something else. I actually really really like you. Kinda close to love, actually.
I then decided that I should court you.
Shift to today, and look at what you mean to me :”)
You’ve become the love of my life. The only reason why I smile so happily each day.
And throughout this past year, we’ve been through so many things together, spent so much time with each other, that I can’t help but keep on falling for you. And luckily, you’re there to catch my heart.
We’ve been through different kinds of the inevitable downs, but also enjoyed those many wonderful ups. Dates, holding hands, kissing, hugging, snuggling, all the swaughty moments, talking to each other on the phone 9pm to 2am non stop, missing each other, laughing with each other, sharing tears, sharing hopes, keeping each other in our prayers.
I never thought that we would come to this. I always thought that you were just a dream. But the reality is, we love each other :”>
In a year I’ve learnt so many things about you. I know that you always make your bed, you get attracted to coffee late at night, you don’t drink while you’re eating, you don’t like drinking coke but drink sprite instead, you always get sabaw when we eat at chingqui’s, you don’t bring an umbrella to school, you’re a noob at crossing the road, you want me to be on your left side rather than on you’re right, you love shawarma, you’re a sleepyhead, your throat hurts when you speak too much, you sing a lot of avril when we do karaoke, you have a *tickle* in your ear, you love thrills, and you love God. That’s just a small list of what I know, if I tried to write them all this blog will be too big. And all the things I’ve discovered about you, whether if it’s good or bad, makes me love you even more.
I sincerely thank God for answering my prayers. For giving me someone that could see the real me and accept me. For having a partner who would always understand me. For giving me someone that is truly meant for me, compatible in every way.
August 22, 2012. August 24, 2012. August 25/26, 2012. August 27, 2012.
This week has been amazing. Just this week contains one of the BEST days of my whole life. And all of that is because of you, my baby :)
I am looking forward to many many many more years of us. This is just the beginning of our happily ever after.
MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA. And I’m so glad na mahal mo din ako, as you said last night :)
You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and I’ll never let you go. Whatever happens, through good times and bad, you can always count on me to be there for you.
Happy anniversary of our meeting :)
august 27 2011. acquaintance party.
time really flies so fast. looking back at this day a year ago, everything was so much different. I remember I was suffering from a heartache back then. I was lonely,bitter as well for it did not end well. let’s just say I was still trying to move on at that…
the very first draft of my song, “Without You”. just was lookin’ at old emails and found this. sent to the girl i wrote this about.
hope you guys enjoy in some way. it sounds so emo here. haha
She said that she’s afraid to love because she might be taken for granted.. That it will only be a one way love…
But I fear that that is what’s happening to me. That I’m the only one giving away love, while she won’t ever give any to me…
I’m not saying this is happening.. I’m only fearing that it may happen…
Her answer to my question, “do you want me in your life?” was a bit of an assurance… But now, I think, “as a what?” As a friend? As a lover?
Right now I’m feeling like a nobody.
No one of importance. Just another one of her useless admirers.
But I don’t want to be like that… I love her, but if she can’t love me back, then what’s the use?
I can see it though. Her being with me. Me being with her.
I just wish she could see it too..
Right now, I just need an answer…
Let me make a few of my assumptions clear before we start:
- The love triangle is important.
- In the context of the love triangle, Peeta and Gale are not people, they are literary devices used to represent the two paths Katniss could take as a character.
- The story could not have ended any way but the way it did.
Take a look at how the series starts and ends. The first scene is Katniss going to hunt with Gale and having a picnic in the meadow. The last scene is Katniss and Peeta watching their children play in the meadow.
Now look at the arc of each of their relationships. Both of them start the series in love with Katniss, or, more accurately, with the potential to love her. Everything’s in place, and it only takes a few key events to set the wheels in motion.
Think about Gale’s proposition at the beginning of the book. He wants for them to run away and live in the woods. Now, Katniss is willing to die to save Prim (as evidenced by her volunteering as tribute), so it goes without saying that if they were to run away, she would not leave without Prim. Let’s explore that timeline for a moment, shall we?
Katniss and Gale gather their loved ones and run into the woods. They are absent from the reaping. However, their absence does not change the random reaping selection, and the name out of the bowl remains “Primrose Everdeen.” Prim is not at the reaping, so the peacekeepers bust down the door of the Everdeen household to find the entire family gone. They send hovercrafts into the surrounding woods, and immediately find the Everdeens and Hawthornes fleeing the district. On the off-chance Prim survives, she is thrust into the games anyway without Katniss there to volunteer (because, as shown by Lavinia, those who try to flee their districts are either made into Avoxes or executed). The status quo remains in tact and Primrose Everdeen, too gentle to kill, is killed in the games.
Gale makes the same offer in “Catching Fire,” but the same problem arises. Katniss is so well-known that her disappearance would not go unnoticed by the Capitol, and she would be hunted down. Her family would be taken prisoner and used as leverage to make her cooperate with the Capitol’s designs, and, failing that, she would be hijacked and forced into it. Gale’s relationship with Katniss is an avoidance strategy. He wants them to run away from the Capitol and live on their own, despite the fact that, given the circumstances, they would be found and punished almost immediately.
Now, let’s look at Peeta for a second. He doesn’t want to be owned or controlled by the Capitol. His relationship with Katniss was in direct defiance of the Capitol, and it’s what sparked the revolution. Think about the crisis point: the nightlock berries at the end of the first games. Katniss could have chosen to kill Peeta. Let’s explore that timeline.
Katniss kills Peeta and goes home to district 12. Psychologically scarred, she goes back to District 12, does the victory tour, and ends up with Gale. However, unable to cope with killing the boy who saved her life, she turns to drink and ends up pushing everyone she loves away just like Haymitch.
Now, Katniss had a choice there. Peeta would not kill her, so she could choose between killing Peeta or killing herself. If she killed herself, Peeta would have followed suit, because of what his character represents.
Gale represents the status quo, how Katniss is at the beginning of the series. He is intended as a static character, who, despite loving Katniss, is functionally the same person in book 3 that he is in book 1. Peeta represents the path Katniss needs to take to free Panem and still come out alive. He is a dynamic character who is radically different in book 3.
Gale stays the same person throughout the series, but by the end of it, Katniss has changed so dramatically that she is not compatible with him. Her choice to cut Gale out of her life is a symbolic acknowledgement that the person she was before the games is gone forever. In fact, by the end of “Mockingjay,” Gale has lost his idealistic view of his kindred spirit and began to see her as a human. He fell out of love with her.
Now look at Peeta. Peeta is hijacked, destroying the Peeta from the first two books completely and creating a new one that was owned by the Capitol. Now, think of his purpose from a narrative perspective. If the love triangle represents the two paths Katniss can take as a character, then both Peeta and Gale’s only reason to exist is that they love Katniss. With Gale representing the Status Quo and Peeta representing a brighter future, their love for her is proportional to which path she is going to take.
So, over the course of the series, Gale stops loving Katniss gradually. He still likes her, but no longer views her as some kind of kindred spirit or soulmate. Peeta is completely changed, and stops loving Katniss completely, but eventually comes to love her again. Now, keep in mind that Peeta’s only reason to exist is that he loves Katniss. His entire purpose in life is taken from him, but he moves on and eventually becomes a fully functional human being again.
Now think of that as compared to what happens to Katniss. Her one goal in life is to keep Prim safe, and that is taken from her when Prim is killed. However, she eventually rebuilds herself and manages to free Panem anyway. What’s interesting is that Katniss and Gale really are soulmates at the beginning of the series, but are not by the end, whereas the opposite thing happens with Katniss and Peeta.
Now, turn that backwards. Peeta’s purpose in life is taken away by the Capitol. If Peeta corresponds to Katniss, and his love corresponds to Prim, then what does that make Gale? Gale, who, no matter how indirectly, caused Prim’s death? He may not have known what he was doing. He was just following orders, designing weapons for District 13, and he had no knowledge of what they would be used for, but this means that he (as well as the District 13 administration) correspond to the Capitol.
Now think about what the Hunger Games themselves are: They take away citizen’s children, the most important things in their world, and destroy them.
Gale represents the status quo. Any scenario where Katniss and Gale could have been together would have ended with Prim’s safety being taken away. It also would have resulted in Peeta’s love for Katniss being ruined, and the continuation of the Hunger Games. The Capitol was brought down, which would have (in a literary sense) allowed Gale and Katniss to be together, but Prim was already dead. Gale not only represents the status quo, but the Capitol itself. The only reason Katniss played along with the Capitol’s wishes was to keep Prim safe, and once she was gone, she couldn’t do it anymore. In the same way, the only reason Katniss would have run away with Gale would be to protect Prim, and when she was gone, she couldn’t be with him anymore.
Now, I like Gale a lot, but the story doesn’t work if Katniss ended up with him. The relationships between Katniss, Peeta, and Gale are specially written to mirror the story of Panem itself. Katniss couldn’t have ended up with Gale and still brought down the Capitol because Gale symbolized the Capitol and Peeta symbolized freedom. So the love triangle is important, but it only could have gone one way. That’s not to say I “ship” Katniss and Peeta. Under literary scrutiny, Katniss had to end up with Peeta. It’s actually very tragic that she couldn’t have Gale without also keeping the Capitol in power.
Unlike the love triangle in a certain other series, where the two guys don’t represent anything other than two guys, and she could have chosen either of them and still told a coherent story.